It's not like we're curing cancer here

Yep, that was the most intelligent statement uttered in the America’s Next Top Model Premiere. Of course, it was uttered by the stoned-sounding, blonde, red-tutu wearing Jael, who is just crazy… but we prefer crazy over dumb, right. She also won the thrift-shop challenge, and I can respect a girl who can work the Goodwill.

I already predict this season will be a cut above. We have a Russian mail order bride named Natasha who’s 20 and has a 40-year-old husband who brought her to the country when she was 18. And she’s obnoxious. The back story and accent are probably enough to keep her on the show for quite a while.

This season also includes two plus size models. I think this is smart, considering all the news about Tyra’s weight gain. Not that 5’10” and 161 pounds is by any means fat. Her BMI is well within the normal range, but we live in a sick, sick world.

My favorite contestant this year so far was this crazy girl with a red afro named Kathleen. She was even too dumb for ANTM though, she was the first cut.

The best quotes from the season premiere come from Tyra (of course) and some early rejects whose names I didn’t bother to record.

1. “I love the smell of hair and makeup in the Morning. It smells like victory.” – Tyra

2. “I want you to be all you can be, not bitch all you can bitch.” -- Tyra

3. And to complete the Tyra trifecta: I want you to be Top Guns, not top son of a guns.”

4. “I loved Audrey Hepburn in dinner at Tiffany’s. I mean lunch, yeah, lunch at Tiffany’s.” – Nameless Reject #1

5. “Tyra likes me, so so many other people are going to like me.” – Nameless Reject #2 (Editor’s Note: She didn’t like you THAT much if you’re a reject.)