Go West, Young Mitt

A new WBB post every six weeks or so is probably not going to be enough to hold your interest, but I know that for many of our die-hard readers, this blog is the go-to site for unvarnished Mitt Romney (2012!) news and notes. So after a long-ass hiatus, we're back to share the latest Mitt bon mot.

A well-placed source, known in some quarters as the Associated Press, reports that our cherished once-and-future presidential hopeful has moved out to schmancy La Jolla, California.

On behalf of the WBB Los Angeles Bureau, welcome to Southern California, Mitt!

You can say that again!

This is from Washington Whispers on the US News & World Report site. Yeah, we at WBB agree with whomever created these posters.

Doesn't his hair look perfect? Clearly, the right choice.

On Mitt

With the VP selection process heating up, and many signs pointing our favorite perfectly coiffed Mormon for the Republican nomination -- I thought I'd share a great synopsis of my feelings for the dear ol' varMitt:

From Matthew Yglesias with The Atlantic:

He wound up losing because, basically, people find him loathesome. Some find him loathesome because of his religion, some because of his flip-flopping, and others just because he's loathesome. But whatever the reason, people just really don't like Mitt Romney. Putting him on the ticket seems like an obvious recipe for disaster, but a potential boon to progressive bloggers who are really in need of a mockable choice.

So, please, John McCain -- pick Mitt Romney -- for the sake of my blogging mojo!

Veep Veep!

The possible VP nominee guessing game is a fun one for sure. While I'm still hoping that the GOP will choose Mitt Romney so that WBB may reclaim some of its past political blogging glory, I'm salivating at all the bad puns that would come from a Tim Pawlenty nomination.

I admittedly know nothing about the Governor of Minnesota. However, I long to see cheesy campaign bumper stickers that say "Welcome to the land of Pawlenty" and other obnoxious variations. So in the absence of Mitt, I'm pro Pawlenty.

McCain is interviewing potential running mates, and good ol' Mitt is on the list. Let's cross our fingers that he gets the gig. It's just what I need to get my blogging groove back.

How I've missed his perfect hair, lame attempts at hanging with the kids, and general mediocrity.

McCain - Romney, please!

Mitt, I've missed you

You're gone, but not forgotten.

Thank you Wonkette!

Bittersweet Surrender...

Well, Mitt Romney has exited the presidential race, and while I think an over coiffed douchebag like himself has no place in the White House, I'm sad to see him go. Who will I make fun of now. And, as Greg so eloquently pointed out -- What in the hell are we going to do when President McCain kicks the bucket a month into office and we have to suffer through 4 years of President Huckabee?

I feel like a photo montage is in order. Or, maybe a Best of "Why I hate Mitt Romney." But I'm too tired to sort through all the magnificent fodder suitable for relentless mockery. Sigh.

Farewell Mitt Romney, Farewell.

Another Round of Celebrity Endorsements

VS.

I never really thought any candidate could match the power of Huckabee's Chuck Norris endorsement, and everyone's favorite Texas Ranger did a great job of proving me right. I really believe he deserves some credit for Huckabee's outstanding showing in the Super Tuesday primaries. My dad, a typical Republicrat, digs Obama, but would really like to see Chuck as the Director of Homeland Security. So, he's torn. I don't blame him.

But lucky for my dad, he doesn't have to worry about the Homeland Security Director position being filled by dweebs in an Obama administration. Obama has Hulk's endorsement! (Thanks Mel, one of WBB's loyal readers, for that tip) That's right, the democrats have their own all American hero. This could be a game changer, my friends.

While that's clearly the most exciting recent celebrity endorsement, here are a few more to ponder, thanks to Brenner's great find at Sorry for the Convenience:

Hillary Clinton: Madeline Albright (ok, she kind of kicks ass), Geraldine Ferraro, Jon S. Corzine, and Diane Feinstein.

Barack Obama: John Kerry, Scarlett Johansson, Larry David and assorted Kennedys.

Mike Huckabee: Duncan Hunter, Jim Gilchrist (but does he really need anyone other than Chuck?)

John McCain: Arnold Schwarzenegger (well done old man!), Sylvester Stallone (Rambo vs. Chuck? I'm still banking on Chuck.), Henry Kissinger, Joe Lieberman

Ron Paul: Arlo Guthrie, Howard Stern

Mitt Romney (argh): Ann Coulter (I actually hate her more than I hate Mitt Romney. I think this is an example of an endorsement that hurts more than it helps. I actually feel kind of sorry for Mitt.), Orrin Hatch (barf), Tom Tancredo, Dennis Hastert -- This list alone gives enough reason not to vote for Mitt Romney. Geez! What a heinous list of endorsements.

So, there you have it. Got any new endorsements to add? And who would you pick in a celebrity death match, Chuck Norris or Hulk Hogan?

Tainted breakfast

WBB's Nashville operative tells us that Music City is swarming with political candidates and their supporters looking for last minute votes before Super Tuesday. Apparently, Mitt Romney stopped at Nashville breakfast stop Pancake Pantry to look for votes.

I've always considered Pancake Pantry the most overrated place in Nashville, so it doesn't surprise me at all that our boy Mitt would go there. I'm comfortable with the fact that it's now tainted, and I can never go there again. Now, if he would have been at the Loveless Cafe, I would have been devastated, since I love that place and would like to go there and bathe in cheese grits. Phew! Close one.

Praise the Lard and Pass the Biscuits!

Oh Mitt, stop talking all hip-like to the kids

At the start of this video, our favorite guy Mitt poses for a picture with some black children and says "Who let the dogs out? Woof woof."

Around 2:30, dearest Mitt says to a small child with some jewelry: "You've got some bling bling."

I don't think dorkiness coupled with blatant stereotyping is really becoming for a presidential candidate. And, if I didn't think he was a terrible candidate already, I might think even less of him. Alas, that's pretty much impossible.

Bless you Mitt Romney! You're a quote machine!

Your Mitt Romney Quote of the Day

“I’m playing to get the nomination. I’m not looking for gold stars on my forehead like I was in first grade,” said Romney. “I’m looking to rack up the delegates I need to win the nomination.”

--Mitt Romney on why he's giving up on South Carolina and moving on to Nevada, as quoted on Politico.

Here's my question? Did anyone ever put gold stars on your forehead as a child? Did you rack up a bunch? Is this some weird space alien Mormon tradition? Someone explain this to me.

Another sign of the apocalypse

Mitt Romney won the Michigan primary today, bringing us one step closer to him winning the nomination, the presidency, and causing the end of the world as we know it.

At a minimum, it hastens my move to Canada.

Apparently a bunch of people are voting for Mitt because they think he's hot and looks presidential with his perfectly coiffed head of hair. I think the CNN story on this subject made me die a little inside.

God save us from the IRS

1.13.08 UPDATE: I found my 2004 tax return! Miracle of all miracles. So, this won't be the tragedy I expected after all. Who knew I was this organized and responsible?! I feel like I should do something really irresponsible like go on a drunken shopping spree to celebrate.


Today I came home from work to find a nice thick envelope from the IRS. Never good news, right? The only way it could be is if the envelope was full of a nice think wad of cash.

Well, it turns out -- and I didn't learn this from the letter, because the letter didn't make any sense -- that the IRS has no record of my 2004 tax return. However, they do have record of me paying them $22 and it says it came with a return. But, as the woman on the phone, who was abnormally pleasant considering her job, said: "It says here we don't have it, or maybe we destroyed it. Regardless, you need to refile it."

"Pmphf!!!" said Laura.

"You do have it on file?" questioned IRS worker Krista serial #100653 (or something like that) in a very judgmental tone. I really don't think she has the authority to judge me, by the way. You have to be higher level than second shift CSR at the IRS to give me attitude.

"Um, no -- that was 4 years ago, and I'm curious why I'm just getting this request," I responded in my most diplomatic voice.

"You should really keep records of all this stuff," she responded. And, I know she's right, but I didn't get that level of organization until 2005. Some of us are late organizational bloomers.

At this point my head was steaming, but I was smiling, because I find that when I smile when talking on the phone, it makes me sound less irritated. I use this trick a lot in my job. A lot. I'm like the Jedi Master of sounding calm and collected when I'm about to cap somebody.

So, then I asked what I could do. She gave me a 30 day extension. It took them 3 years to figure out that they lost my return, and I get 30 days to refile. Luckily they can send me all the documents I need to take care of this "situation." But, if it's anything like the time the District of Columbia inverted a couple numbers on my tax return and said I owed $700 instead of paying me $200, I doubt it will be that easy. It took me about 7 months to sort out that DC tax fiasco.

And that leads me to my final point about the IRS. The IRS is jacked, and if you elect Mitt Romney as president of the United States, it will become more jacked.

Anyone wanna do my 2004 tax return for me?

More on my favorite bottom feeder

Since Loree is out on a lengthy business trip in Vegas working (or that's what she says) 15 hours a day, I get to run amok on the blog and further my agenda of convincing the world that Mitt Romney is the Mormon devil.

So here's more proof that Mitt Romney is a liar and idiot. We've got the video above showing how he blatantly lied about his attack ads against my favorite crotchety old Republican, John McCain. And we've got this wonderful Annenberg Political Factcheck piece about his absurd hyperbole in a recent ad.

I really can't figure out why so many people like this guy, so I will soldier on, mocking him at every opportunity

Why Guiliani can't win and Laura makes an informational graphic

So, I was reading the Washington Post and it was showing us where the presidential candidates did their campaigning in New Hampshire. I'm not going to show you that original Washington Post graphic, because I don't want you to think any less of my beautiful interpretation.

However, here's what I can tell:

• Smart candidates went where the people are. That's the brown circle in the southern portion of the state. Even Ron Paul had the sense to hang out down there. Mitt Romney stayed down there too, mainly because he just follows what everyone else is doing. Loser.
  
• John Edwards hung out in a National Park, I think. That explains why he's pulling 17% as on 10 p.m.
• Rudy Guiliani probably took his campaigning advice from Adam Sandler and hung out on the northern edge of civilization. I put a big red block over it because there's nothing under there of note. Maybe he was protecting us from all those illegal Canadian immigrants we're so scared of. He is campaigning for "immigration reform"

So, that's my graphic. I hope it gives you more insight into the results from the New Hampshire Primary. Maybe next time I'll overlay that with celebrity appearances and we'll get all scientific like.

A cool Web site

Today, thanks to my friend Shannanb at Mommybits, I discovered a really cool Web site.

BigThink is a Web site that shares "big" ideas. The basic concept for the site is pretty cool. It's based on the premise that that media is broken -- distilling major issues into episodic stories with little context, littered with sound bites. The site asks its visitors to ask and discuss the bigger questions that we never see discussed in the media with any depth or insight. It contains a laundry list of experts giving their take through short videos on a range of issues, from Arts & Culture to Science & Technology to National & International news.

The experts are pretty impressive too. Here's a sample:

• Dan Glickman, President of the Motion Picture Association of America, talking about Film and the American Experience
• Tom Freston, Former President & CEO of Viacom, talking about The Income Gap
• Jon Meacham, Editor at Newsweek, talking about the state of the American Media Today
• Stephen Breyer, Supreme Court Justice, talking about how the Supreme Court's decisions affect us.
  

Mitt Romney is even on here talking about how Iraqis view America. I wouldn't watch that one though, if I were you. You know hearing Mitt Romney speak rots your brain over time, right? I don't know why Huckabee doesn't send Chuck Norris and Ric Flair to take care of that little problem.

Anyway, I digress. You should check this site out. It's an interesting way to join a conversation on topics you don't get to discuss in public often...because you're a big nerd, like me.

Another celebrity endorsement news break

After Huckabee and Obama's impressive showing in the Iowa caucus, I think the importance of the celebrity endorsement is clear. Whether you've got Oprah or The Holy Ranger of Kick Ass, you've gotta have somebody. So, here are some more important endorsements, or "game changers" as I like to call them:

• Let's start with my favorite, Dennis Kucinich: Larry Flynt and Willie Nelson. Let the good times roll!

• Huckabee: In addition to Chuck Norris, he's got Ric Flair (Proving that a Huckabee administration will be tough on crime)

• Hillary Clinton: Maya Angelou (love her) has been a vocal supporter. And, she's got Barbara Streisand and Tony Bennett. And, don't forget Speilberg and Rob Reiner.

• Barack Obama: Oprah -- does anyone else matter? Anyway, if you count the celebrities that showed for an Oprah fundraiser, Obama also has Will Smith, Halle Berry and Stevie Wonder in his corner. But the Obama endorsement that matters most to me: George Clooney. (Hey George, when you're in the Cincinnati area next time, look me up.)

• John Edwards: I despise Edwards, but he has the Kevin Bacon endorsement. Now if he can tap into those 6 degrees. The John Mellencamp endorsement isn't bad either.

• Bill Richardson has the man from the West Wing, one Martin Sheen.

• Rudy Guiliani: He's got the Adam Sandler vote. Yet another sign that his campaign is going to implode, as it is, shall I say, a joke. He's also got Bo Derek and Dennis Miller.

• Fred Thompson has PAT SAJAK people! PAT SAJAK!

• Nobody likes Mitt Romney that I can tell. I hope it stays that way.

• Chris Dodd and Joe Biden -- dropped out. Clearly their endorsements didn't matter.

Now, I can't ensure the accuracy of this list by any means, but this is what my super sleuthing has indicated to date. Let me know if you've got any additions. Anyone know of a Ron Paul endorsement?

(Picture taken from Radar)