Yes, I Graduated From The Perez Hilton School Of Graphic Design

I'm probably a bad person, but I was really hoping I would open this story to find out that Dennis Quaid had lost his marbles and consulted Hugh Laurie on his recent family crisis.

That Darn Cat

Cats are amazing creatures. No other animal can be so loving, self-sufficient and, on the rare occasion, vindictive like a 12-year-old girl. I love my cat, but in the last week, he's pushed me to my limit.

This is a story that starts with confusion, transitions into frustration and anger, moves to motherly guilt, takes a detour to pity, and ends with the realization that my cat, Toga, may be smarter than me.

So here it goes: On Friday afternoon, I was gathering laundry when I noticed that whole pile was wet. It took a quick sniff to figure out that Toga had been relieving himself on the pile for days. Disgusting. I was completely confused because Toga always uses his litterbox. Jon and I checked out the litterbox to see if it was abnormally dirty or something... nope. So, we figured this pee thing was a one-time deal.

On Saturday morning as I was cleaning the house, I started finding pee spots on other random articles of clothing, bags, boxes, you name it. So, now I'm getting frustrated. I immediately start researching why cats mark their territory. While I'm sitting on the floor in the living room, Toga marches up to me for some pet, perches on my lap top case and pees on it immediately. After cursing my little baby and cleaning off the case, now I'm getting mad at him. I'm convinced that he's just decided not to use his litterbox and will spend the rest of his life soiling my lovely home. For the rest of the weekend he slinks up next to Jon and I and pees on something right in front of us.

By Sunday night we're at our wits end. My continued research showed that the cause of this behavior could be medical, which made sense. This behavior was completely out of the ordinary. Of course, on Sunday night I had vivid dreams of me chasing Toga around the house while he peed on everything, but I could never catch him. It's possibly the worst night of sleep I've had in months.

But on Monday morning, after waking up angry and tired, I got a good dose of motherly worry and guilt. Toga marched up to Jon and proceeded to pee on the floor. But this time he was peeing blood. Of course, I immediately took him to the Vet who said he had a really bad urinary infection that can be fatal in male cats.

Clearly I'm the worst cat parent ever. No one should let me have real children. I almost killed my cat by being mad at him when he was only peeing in front of me to tell me he was suffering. I'm an evil wench.

Toga got babied big time on Monday and Tuesday, while we were nursing him back to health. We may have babied him too much, because when I got sucked into an amazingly sappy Lifetime movie about a girl who goes from being homeless to getting into Harvard, and didn't pet him immediately when he wanted, he got the ultimate revenge. It was revenge so harsh that it required human-level intelligence to pull off. Right as the Lifetime movie was about to reach its climax -- when the homeless girl interviews for the New York Times college scholarship that will get her into Harvard -- Toga walks up the TV.

He climbs up on the cable box.

And, before I can say, "Toga, what are you doing?" The cable starts to flicker. I rush the television to shoo him away, but I'm too late. The puddle is there. I run to grab a paper towel, but by the time I get back, the damage is done. The cable is out.

It's still out right now. If you add up the $325 vet bill, the $20 in specialty food, the $40 special water fountain for kitties, and now the replacement fee for the cable box, this little adventure will be quite expensive.

And, I'm convinced, my cat is a genius.

I hate it when Twitter crashes.

That would be a tweet if Twitter wasn't completely out of commission right now.

For those of you that don't have a Twitter account, you need to sign up ASAP. It's way fun. My new social media obsession.

Decisions, Decisions

A while back, people were giving me a hard time because I hadn't chosen between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination. I've had a little bit more time than most to make a decision because the Kentucky primary isn't until next week. So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and surprisingly, I've actually come to my final decision based on things that have happened on the campaign trail during the last few weeks.

Considering the experience we've had over the last 8 years with dear ol' Bushie, there are certain things I've come to demand from a president:

1. The ability to know when it's time to devise and exit strategy; and,
   
2. The ability to manage and balance a budget

So, I'm voting for Barack Obama.

I was seriously leaning Hillary for a long time, and thought on many occasions that I'd go ahead and write my "endorsement post" for her. But then she proposed that Gas Tax holiday and I got confused... and it was all down hill from there. Nothing adds up anymore.

And for the record, I only speak for one half of the WBB team.

Yeah, so I'm the teensiest bit embarrassed to admit it, but I want to see the "Sex and The City" movie. Now, clearly the "in" thing right now is SATC backlash... but, I got to say it, I saw these clips this morning and got damn-near giddy. I just can't stay away. And yes, I still consider myself a Miranda.

Anybody else into TV totally not targeted at their age group? I'm loving "Gossip Girl." Last night's episode, especially, brought the drama. Murder, cocaine, a Lisa Loeb guest spot. Can't wait for the season finale next week.

I'm also looking forward to the new "90210." It's got a few things going for it... one being that the original treatment was written by Rob Thomas (not the Matchbox Twenty guy, but the creator of Veronica Mars), and two, word on the street (or the Internet) is they're bringing back some of the old cast, including Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling. Donna Martin graduates!

Give thanks for the local news

So, I know we've talked a lot over the past months about amazing things popping up on the local news channels with help from you, faithful readers. We've heard tales from sea to shining sea of local news stations leaving us in awe of their... ahem ... skills.

Well today, I have a special local news item to bring to this discussion. From WOIO in Cleveland, here's an amazing tale of deep, meaningful relationships. It speaks to the need in each of us to be loved. It speaks to the lengths some people will go to for companionship. It's about people who date dolls. Yes, my friends, from WOIO in Cleveland, in their own words, I bring you "Doll Dates."

The station describes this journalistic endeavor in the only way it could, I suppose:

"It's one of the strangest stories 19 Action News has ever told, and only one station would ever attempt to tell it."

Now, if I were a news station, which I admittedly am not, and there was a story I would desperately want to tell, I don't know if this would be it exactly. I mean, the housing and credit crises are pretty complex -- would require a significant effort. Or, how gas prices are formulated -- that would be a tough story to attempt.

But why be so boring, when we can delve into the lives of people who take life-sized dolls to meet their parents after dating for a while? WOIO, I guess you win. I really want to see the poor sap who got roped into being interviewed for this story. His mother must be so proud.