Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Feast of Saint Bastard (Happy Corruption Day!)

As Eddie Izzard once said: "What have you been reading, the Gospel According to Saint Bastard?"

That's what I would say to the glut of politicians being investigated, indicted or sentenced today for corruption. More on the patron saints of bastardom, after the jump.

Our all-star line-up of criminal politicians kicks off with a Republican Senator from Alaska:

Saint Ted: Patron Saint of Unseemly Renovations -- Ted Stevens, the longest-serving Republican in Senate history, has been indicted on SEVEN, count them, SEVEN felony charges related to accepting illegal gifts for renovations on his home in Anchorage. I guess once you've been in the Senate for 40 years, you start to get a little too comfortable and think you're under the radar. Not so much. Of course, Saint Ted has claimed his innocence, but much like Joan of Arc, he'll probably be burned at the stake -- in that metaphorical political career ending way.

Saint Sharpe: Patron Saint of Adulterous Real Estate -- Sharpe James, the former Mayor of Newark and politician with the best name I've heard in a long time, was sentenced to 27 months in federal prison for selling city land to his mistress at a "special rate"... Ahem. I'm sure the treatment he's been getting at home since this came out from his wife of 44 years is as bad as the treatment he'll get in prison.

The Promised Land for Corrupt Saints: Cleveland -- We haven't found out who the patron saint of Cleveland is yet. But based on the fact that nearly every public building was raided by the Feds on Monday as part of a public corruption probe, I bet we've got a couple warriors of St. Bastard soon to be named. This is something to keep an eye on, for sure.

So, that's it for the Patron Saints of Corruption on this Feast of Saint Bastard. Until next year, soldier on corrupt keepers of the public good, soldier on.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I was born and raised in NE Ohio, about 45 minutes from Cleveland. Let me just tell you - the news of the raid is probably more surprising to the folks down here in Cincinnati than it was to anyone who actually lives up there.

Although if you think Cleveland is bad, its no Youngstown. Many of my aunts, uncles and cousins were represented by James Traficant (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Traficant) who actually won 15% of the vote for Congress while IN FEDERAL PRISON.

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