End of an era

A fine politician passed away this week. Junior Cochran of Rabbit Hash died two days shy of his birthday -- his 13th birthday. You see, the folks in Rabbit Hash, knowing that politics is for the dogs anyway, elected a black Labrador retriever to the town's highest post. As the Enquirer reported in a lovely obit for the renowned goodwill ambassador, whoever follows in his foot steps has big paw prints to fill.

Just google the little guy. He was a bonafide celebrity.

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!

Thanks to Angela for this bizarre distraction.

Lean on Me

The leaning tower of Pisa has stopped leaning for the next 300 years thanks to the powers of engineers. Jerks.

I realize the toppling of an international treasure would be a tragedy. But seriously, just the possibility that it could crash into a pile of rubble at any time made the tower of Pisa way cooler.

Stupid science and math.

EVOO is some kind of terrorist code

Ok, so have you heard about the recent right-wing faux controversy featuring America's sweetheart and a third-rate Food Network "chef" gone talk show host? Yeah, our beloved Dunkin' Donuts has been tainted by that undercover terrorist Rachel Ray. Just ask Michelle Malkin, who wrote about this highly important issue.

See, Rachel Ray's stylist has style. And, she found this crazy cute white scarf with a paisley pattern for Rachel to use in her latest Dunkin' Donuts commercial. Random Aside: I heard that Rachel doesn't even like Dunkin' Donuts coffee and she's a total diva on the commercial set.

Anyway, apparently that cute white scarf looked a lot like a keffiyeh. Now, according to Internet source of power, Wikipedia, a keffiyeh is defined as a traditional Arab headdress, and the white and black variety is considered a symbol of Palestinian nationalism. Ok, so what? But if you're like Michelle Malkin and her cronies, it's "jihadi chic" and "hate couture".

Poor Dunkin' Donuts ended up pulling their ad to satisfy the .0005 percent of people offended by the fashion choice who probably don't appreciate the glory of their product anyway. What a waste of money -- even though less Rachel Ray on the airwaves isn't exactly a bad thing. That's a personal preference though.

But, have faith in America people. Even Michelle Malkin's followers thought this faux controversy was retarded. Just read the comments, and go buy a bear claw or something.

McCain is interviewing potential running mates, and good ol' Mitt is on the list. Let's cross our fingers that he gets the gig. It's just what I need to get my blogging groove back.

How I've missed his perfect hair, lame attempts at hanging with the kids, and general mediocrity.

McCain - Romney, please!

A bloggy love letter to "The Paper" and the awesome-ness that is Amanda Lorber.

This is a great article about my latest obsession, "The Paper." I've even Facebook-friended Amanda "In Chief" Lorber, who's pretty much my favorite reality TV persona ever.

There are only two episodes left. You can catch up on all the episodes online at mtv.com, which is how I've been watching 'em. (It's on way past my bedtime.)

Wanted: Charlie Sheen's Sperm

I'm baffled by the attention this whole faux scandal involving Denise Richards' "alleged" asking for Charlie Sheen's sperm donation. Denise says she sent no email to Charlie's fiancee asking for the sperm. Charlie issues a statement saying she did. Who really cares?

She was on Larry King Live, The View and the entire morning show circuit discussing this. Have we nothing more interesting to talk about?

And, I had no idea Denise Richards was 37. I thought she was early 30s at the oldest.

On to more pressing matters.

I love many things about Law & Order, but one of my favorite things is the recurring website BeFriends.com, which is obviously the L&O-verse equivalent of MySpace. BeFriends shows up pretty much anytime there's a sordid, seedy, web-based story to be told. In last week's episode, a woman killed her daughter and then used her BeFriends profile to dupe men into falling in love with her and sending her scads of money.

BeFriends, of course, is not to be confused with Another Youniverse, L&O's version of Second Life, which popped up on a recent SVU.

Here's what I think: L&O should get with the program and, like other shows (including "Family Guy" and "How I Met Your Mother") actually buy these domain names and do something with them. I'm on MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter... why not BeFriends?

In many ways, I'm not stereotypically "woman-y." I'm a slob. I hate cleaning. Cooking, to me, is popping a Lean Cuisine in the microwave. I famously (among friends and family, anyway) stood stone-faced at my wedding as my sweet and sensitive husband wept like a 12-year-old girl.

But, on the other hand, I think I'm still sort of traditionally feminine when it comes to things like manners and etiquette. I've never considered myself "ladylike" (that would involve learning how to not sit Indian-style in a chair), but I like the idea of being thoughtful and gracious, even if I can't always get it right in execution.



So, I'm digging this post on Jezebel about redefining what it means to be a "lady."

The post, which starts of referencing an article in today's "Times of London" about how gentlemen are a dying breed, takes the article's thoughts on how to be a modern gentleman and, with a few points of contention, translates it for women. Here's what Jezebel came up with:

1. Say please and thank you and ask questions about other people rather than talk about yourself.

2. Be punctual

3. Be environmentally aware

4. Open doors for people. If a man opens a door for you, be sure to thank him. If he doesn't, open the door for him and smile brightly. He will feel like a cad.

5. Be modest. And if someone compliments you, take it well: With a smile and a thank you.

6. Be a good mother by being good to yourself? (I'm open to a new #6.)

7. Be honest about wherever you have come from in life and treat royalty and maids the same: politely.

8. Flirt - with everyone. Flirting is polite. It's also stress-reducing to chit chat about the weather or tell your cashier that you love her nails. Let it out!

9. Do not phone/text/check your BlackBerry incessantly

10. Dress tidily. Ladylike no longer means skirts and gloves, but when you have respect for yourself, others will respect you.

I'm a big fan of No. 2 (lateness is a serious pet peeve of mine), and although I have loads of clothes I love, I'm pretty sure I'll never get No. 10 right all the time. I'm too in love with my hoodies. Which ones do you like/think are a load of crap?

Commentary of Note

I received this in an email from a friend, and I thought it was worth passing along verbatim, since I couldn't have said it better myself:

This might be my favorite quote ever, and not in a good way:

But Rep. Tom Cole (Okla.), chairman of the National Republican Congressional Committee, "rejected the notion of a dramatic break with Bush.

"'I don't see it particularly as an advantage to be in a debate with our president,' he said. 'It's not for me to second-guess the president of the United States.'"

Um, actually, part of your job description IS to second guess the president. I'm not going to argue if he decides to continue on this path, since it will only help the Dems, but it's still highly disturbing.

Yes, I Graduated From The Perez Hilton School Of Graphic Design

I'm probably a bad person, but I was really hoping I would open this story to find out that Dennis Quaid had lost his marbles and consulted Hugh Laurie on his recent family crisis.

That Darn Cat

Cats are amazing creatures. No other animal can be so loving, self-sufficient and, on the rare occasion, vindictive like a 12-year-old girl. I love my cat, but in the last week, he's pushed me to my limit.

This is a story that starts with confusion, transitions into frustration and anger, moves to motherly guilt, takes a detour to pity, and ends with the realization that my cat, Toga, may be smarter than me.

So here it goes: On Friday afternoon, I was gathering laundry when I noticed that whole pile was wet. It took a quick sniff to figure out that Toga had been relieving himself on the pile for days. Disgusting. I was completely confused because Toga always uses his litterbox. Jon and I checked out the litterbox to see if it was abnormally dirty or something... nope. So, we figured this pee thing was a one-time deal.

On Saturday morning as I was cleaning the house, I started finding pee spots on other random articles of clothing, bags, boxes, you name it. So, now I'm getting frustrated. I immediately start researching why cats mark their territory. While I'm sitting on the floor in the living room, Toga marches up to me for some pet, perches on my lap top case and pees on it immediately. After cursing my little baby and cleaning off the case, now I'm getting mad at him. I'm convinced that he's just decided not to use his litterbox and will spend the rest of his life soiling my lovely home. For the rest of the weekend he slinks up next to Jon and I and pees on something right in front of us.

By Sunday night we're at our wits end. My continued research showed that the cause of this behavior could be medical, which made sense. This behavior was completely out of the ordinary. Of course, on Sunday night I had vivid dreams of me chasing Toga around the house while he peed on everything, but I could never catch him. It's possibly the worst night of sleep I've had in months.

But on Monday morning, after waking up angry and tired, I got a good dose of motherly worry and guilt. Toga marched up to Jon and proceeded to pee on the floor. But this time he was peeing blood. Of course, I immediately took him to the Vet who said he had a really bad urinary infection that can be fatal in male cats.

Clearly I'm the worst cat parent ever. No one should let me have real children. I almost killed my cat by being mad at him when he was only peeing in front of me to tell me he was suffering. I'm an evil wench.

Toga got babied big time on Monday and Tuesday, while we were nursing him back to health. We may have babied him too much, because when I got sucked into an amazingly sappy Lifetime movie about a girl who goes from being homeless to getting into Harvard, and didn't pet him immediately when he wanted, he got the ultimate revenge. It was revenge so harsh that it required human-level intelligence to pull off. Right as the Lifetime movie was about to reach its climax -- when the homeless girl interviews for the New York Times college scholarship that will get her into Harvard -- Toga walks up the TV.

He climbs up on the cable box.

And, before I can say, "Toga, what are you doing?" The cable starts to flicker. I rush the television to shoo him away, but I'm too late. The puddle is there. I run to grab a paper towel, but by the time I get back, the damage is done. The cable is out.

It's still out right now. If you add up the $325 vet bill, the $20 in specialty food, the $40 special water fountain for kitties, and now the replacement fee for the cable box, this little adventure will be quite expensive.

And, I'm convinced, my cat is a genius.

I hate it when Twitter crashes.

That would be a tweet if Twitter wasn't completely out of commission right now.

For those of you that don't have a Twitter account, you need to sign up ASAP. It's way fun. My new social media obsession.

Decisions, Decisions

A while back, people were giving me a hard time because I hadn't chosen between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination. I've had a little bit more time than most to make a decision because the Kentucky primary isn't until next week. So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and surprisingly, I've actually come to my final decision based on things that have happened on the campaign trail during the last few weeks.

Considering the experience we've had over the last 8 years with dear ol' Bushie, there are certain things I've come to demand from a president:

1. The ability to know when it's time to devise and exit strategy; and,
   
2. The ability to manage and balance a budget

So, I'm voting for Barack Obama.

I was seriously leaning Hillary for a long time, and thought on many occasions that I'd go ahead and write my "endorsement post" for her. But then she proposed that Gas Tax holiday and I got confused... and it was all down hill from there. Nothing adds up anymore.

And for the record, I only speak for one half of the WBB team.

Yeah, so I'm the teensiest bit embarrassed to admit it, but I want to see the "Sex and The City" movie. Now, clearly the "in" thing right now is SATC backlash... but, I got to say it, I saw these clips this morning and got damn-near giddy. I just can't stay away. And yes, I still consider myself a Miranda.

Anybody else into TV totally not targeted at their age group? I'm loving "Gossip Girl." Last night's episode, especially, brought the drama. Murder, cocaine, a Lisa Loeb guest spot. Can't wait for the season finale next week.

I'm also looking forward to the new "90210." It's got a few things going for it... one being that the original treatment was written by Rob Thomas (not the Matchbox Twenty guy, but the creator of Veronica Mars), and two, word on the street (or the Internet) is they're bringing back some of the old cast, including Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling. Donna Martin graduates!

Give thanks for the local news

So, I know we've talked a lot over the past months about amazing things popping up on the local news channels with help from you, faithful readers. We've heard tales from sea to shining sea of local news stations leaving us in awe of their... ahem ... skills.

Well today, I have a special local news item to bring to this discussion. From WOIO in Cleveland, here's an amazing tale of deep, meaningful relationships. It speaks to the need in each of us to be loved. It speaks to the lengths some people will go to for companionship. It's about people who date dolls. Yes, my friends, from WOIO in Cleveland, in their own words, I bring you "Doll Dates."

The station describes this journalistic endeavor in the only way it could, I suppose:

"It's one of the strangest stories 19 Action News has ever told, and only one station would ever attempt to tell it."

Now, if I were a news station, which I admittedly am not, and there was a story I would desperately want to tell, I don't know if this would be it exactly. I mean, the housing and credit crises are pretty complex -- would require a significant effort. Or, how gas prices are formulated -- that would be a tough story to attempt.

But why be so boring, when we can delve into the lives of people who take life-sized dolls to meet their parents after dating for a while? WOIO, I guess you win. I really want to see the poor sap who got roped into being interviewed for this story. His mother must be so proud.

I Read Domino So You Don’t Have To: May 2008

Magazines, in theory, are relatively inexpensive splurges. But, like so many other things I enjoy, my magazine consumption has turned into a bit of a problem. It got bad when, a few years ago, I was buying so many magazines a month that I was occasionally purchasing a duplicate of a magazine issue before I realized I had read it earlier in the month.


Then, I found out I could spend extra frequent flier miles on magazines. Love it! The mail situation is still occasionally a bit nutty—especially when I go a bit crazy and start subscribing to things I’ll never read just for the hell of it, like The Economist and The Oxford American. (But man, oh man, wouldn't I be so cool if I actually did read The Oxford American?)

But I know that all five of our WBB readers don’t have the time to peruse magazines like I do. Introducing my new feature (which hopefully will last for more than one post)… I Read Magazines So You Don’t Have To. Basically, when I pick up a mag, I’ll try to summarize one or two takeaways for you guys. Starting now… with the May issue of Domino. Julianne Moore’s on the cover—with the cover line: “Julianne Moore in her best role yet: decorator!” Yeah, I’m pretty sure if I were Julianne Moore, I would find that offensive.

I love Domino, but you’ve either got to have an ass-ton of disposable income or an incredibly shitty personal finance strategy to actually shell out the big bucks for most of the items they refer to as “steals.” Now that I think about it, I guess you could actually just steal them… that would at least be somewhat economically savvy. The point: I mostly read the magazine for the decorating and design ideas.

This month’s issue has a few interesting articles—a feature on an enclosed patio inspired by “The Graduate,” a cute article on using unexpected items as vases, and a renovation challenge that has three design teams building a kitchen around store-bought cabinets.

But the article I actually got something out of was the monthly column “The Adventuress,” penned by one of Domino’s founding editors, Cynthia Kling. The headline: “Stealing household tips from the super-rich.”

Basically, Kling goes and hangs out with some uber-wealthy people for a few days to see if she can parse any housekeeping tips (you know, the things these people actually have maids around for) that she can translate to the rest of us middle-class peons.

Some of it was laughable and obvious—including a tip to arrange your pantry with items you use most in the front—but there were a couple of suggestions I liked.

Make a home bible. Basically, take a binder, and put all the info you could possibly need for house stuff—account numbers, a number for the handyman, electric company contact info and so on—inside and keep it in a handy place. That way you don’t have to scramble for old bills or dig in the filing cabinet or hop online every time you just need to make a quick call. I’m incredibly disorganized, so this seems like a smart, easy solution for me.

Choose signature colors. Ok, this one might be a tiny bit laughable, but it totally appeals to the part of me that likes the idea of executing perfect etiquette. The idea: Choose a color combo, and then load up on wrapping paper and ribbon in those colors. One, you’ll always have supplies on hand, and two, you’ll have a bit of a signature style when you bring gifts to events, even if no one else notices. I’m a big fan of that robin’s egg blue/chocolate brown combo you see everywhere now.

So yeah, that’s that. Stay tuned for more magazine babble. Any suggestions/input to improve these long-ass diatribes would also be most helpful.

Also, just realized that this is WBB's 200th post. Someone should bake us a cake or something. Yippee!

I think I'm officially on the weirdest diet ever... not on purpose of course. But, basically, I'm working about 15 hours a day right now. Actually, I'm at work right now. So, I really don't have the time to eat the way I should.

My daily routine is as follows:

Breakfast: Oatmeal and a minimum of three cups of coffee (I'm so damn tired)

Lunch: Lean Cuisine and La Croix fizzy water, followed by another few cups of coffee

Dinner: On rotation: McChicken Sandwich and Diet coke or Fruit & Yogurt Parfait and Diet Coke. Bless the McDonald's by job #2.

Late night snack: Cheese and crackers.

Regardless of the McDonalds daily thing, this could be the BEST DIET EVER.... I'm calling it the McCaffeine. Slap a trademark on that bad boy and make me rich!

Is anybody watching MTV's The Paper? For the uninitiated, it's a reality program following the staff of a high school newspaper. The geek in me totally loves the newspaper aspect of it; the TV whore in me will anything or anyone a camera crew follows around as long as there's a catchy soundtrack.

Seriously, I only understand, like, 65 percent of what I say.

-Entertainment Weekly's Doc Jensen, on Lost

Mitt, I've missed you

You're gone, but not forgotten.

Thank you Wonkette!

A proverb

So I was reading a very lengthy list of proverbs from various countries (just go with it, people) and one really struck me as insightful today. I guess that's what proverbs are for.

It's an Italian proverb: Words do not make flour.

Got any proverbs that you find meaningful?

Grey's fans: I thought this "EW" interview with Ellen Pompeo was refreshingly candid.