More Lostie Goodness

This time, from the aforementioned Jezebel: I Have An Abusive Boyfriend, And He's Coming Home At 8.

Sweet, Sweet Television

As someone who experiences pretty much the smallest range of emotion possible, it's pretty rare that I express... giddiness. But I am giddy! Ecstatic! I may actually be smiling right now! (Well, don't bet on that last one, but hey, anything's possible.)

I'm happy, because after enduring a TV season that has all but totally petered out due to the writer's strike, one of my favorite shows is on the air again. Last year, I was silently cursing ABC and the creators of "Lost" for choosing to wait to debut their season until the winter, but now... oh now, I'm so, so, so very happy.

Losties should prepare for tonight's episode by reading up on The 24 Biggest Assholes On Lost, on Bricken's blog, ToplessRobot.com.

What did he expect to happen?

Giuliani is dropping out of the race today and endorsing McCain. Is this really surprising to anyone? How did he expect his strategy of waiting until Florida to start campaigning to work?!

If I gave Giuliani money for his campaign, I'd be pissed.

Remembering The Real World

So lately I've been loving Jezebel, a Gawker Media blog that touts itself as a website featuring "Celebrity, Sex, Fashion. Without The Airbrushing." Today, my love was cemented when they linked to this vintage Real World: Seattle clip. As someone who loved watching the Real World (well, until after the Vegas season) throughout my adolescence and young adulthood, seeing the sauciest moments again via the Internet is kind of the best thing ever.

So, check out that clip. For the uninitiated, some background: Irene has Lyme Disease, and side effects of this illness apparently include raging bitchiness. So, she pretty much picks fights with everyone, blames it on Lyme Disease, and then decides to leave the house. In the clip, she's leaving. She and Steven have a catty squabble before he slaps her (first physical confrontation on the Real World EVER!) and then tosses her teddy bear into the river.

Tune in: State of the Union

Since all of your favorite fictional TV characters are in reruns, you can feel good about taking time to hear our President rerun some fiction of his own during his last State of the Union Address! Glorious!

Here's a nice look back at some past Bush speeches, compliments of the Detroit Free Press.

My vote to Harrison Ford

I've mentioned the random weekend movies on FOX before. Well, today we had a goodie. Harrison Ford as POTUS, saving his family and many hostages in Air Force One.

As I watch America's best looking fictional president do us proud, I think of how our current presidential candidates are, well, wussy Yale-educated political pansies who fight with each other like first graders.

I'm so sick of all of them, especially the Clintons and I'm-so-sweet-and-innocent-cough-cough Obama. People keep asking me who I'm picking in the primary. I'm just not picking. I'm disgusted with both Hillary and Obama. Both campaigns are the opposite of presidential, and they've both made me think less of my options. In fact, it's made me upset that Kucinich has dropped out, because he really would have gotten my vote at this point.

So, bring on Harrison Ford. He gets my vote.

This guy is giving away a Wilco ticket!

And no one has entered his contest, yet! I saw Wilco in concert at the 9:30 Club on their "A Ghost is Born" tour, and it was amazing. Of course, I don't think Wilco could put on a bad show.

Good luck Prince of Petworth! If you don't get enough entries for your contest, it will cause me to lose more faith in humanity than if Mitt Romney were elected president.

Oh Mitt, stop talking all hip-like to the kids

At the start of this video, our favorite guy Mitt poses for a picture with some black children and says "Who let the dogs out? Woof woof."

Around 2:30, dearest Mitt says to a small child with some jewelry: "You've got some bling bling."

I don't think dorkiness coupled with blatant stereotyping is really becoming for a presidential candidate. And, if I didn't think he was a terrible candidate already, I might think even less of him. Alas, that's pretty much impossible.

Bless you Mitt Romney! You're a quote machine!

For the terrible movies list

When you only have basic cable, your television options on a Saturday afternoon consist of infomercials or a terrible movie on FOX. Today, I opted for the terrible movie.

Today's awful movie was Firestorm. You can watch the trailer here. Here's the basic premise -- some convicts escape prison and their lawyer sets a forest fire for them to escape into. At the same time, an ornithologist is being saved by a strapping firefighter named Jesse Graves. As you can imagine, much action ensues.

But what makes this movie so fantastic besides its horrible fire graphics, completely absurd fight scenes, and ridiculous dialogue and plot, is that the star, Jesse Graves, is pro football hall-of-famer Howie Long. The whole time I was watching the really bad acting, I kept thinking: "Where have I seen that guy?" And then it hit me, in strangely shiny suits on The NFL on FOX.

Unless your only other movie option is Catwoman, don't ever watch this film.

Tiger Vs. Man Vs. Things That Annoy Me

This story disturbs me.

I'll concede that these kids were acting like jackasses. But to me, the only relevant part of this story is that the wall was FOUR FEET SHORTER than the recommended minimum. Why does it matter that they were drinking or smoking weed or acting like idiots? The whole point of this story seems to debunk the idea that these kids were victims of a tiger attack.

Take, for example, this quote:

"As a result of this investigation, (police believe) that the tiger may have been taunted/agitated by its eventual victims," according to Inspector Valerie Matthews, who prepared the affidavit. Police believe that "this factor contributed to the tiger escaping from its enclosure and attacking its victims," she said.

Yeah. And another factor? THE WALL WAS TOO SHORT.

They probably should have been kicked out of the zoo. And standing on a wall and taunting a tiger is never a good idea. But to suggest that they had what was coming to them? Enh.

Surviving The Strike

So, this writer’s strike is really cramping my lifestyle. If it weren’t for my beloved HBO favorite, The Wire, I’m not sure how I’d be surviving. The only other shows that still have any fresh episodes left that I enjoy are Law & Order: The Mothership (which really has gotten interesting once again now with the addition of Jeremy Sisto and the whole Sam Waterston shakeup) and Friday Night Lights. But my evenings of nonstop four-hour blocks of television? Over.

Partially since I’ve been bored out of my mind as a result of the strike, and partially because I needed to get off my ass, I’ve been getting to the gym regularly lately. Luckily, my new gym regimen is also helping with the TV withdrawal. My gym has a “cinema” room, where those working out can check out whatever random movie the gym staff has decided to put on at the time.

The movies they pick? Consistently terrible. Plus, there’s no viewing schedule and they rarely post the title of the movie, so you’re pretty much guaranteed to come in during the middle of some unnamed flick. But yet, I love it. I’m seeing 30-45 minutes of movies that I never in a million years would pay to see, and trying to figure out what the hell is going in when I come in 2/3 of the way through a movie like Unstoppable is pretty excellent in a totally hilarious way.

My new theory is that the gym staff actually has very good taste in film, and that they’re just picking the most insane fare to screw with the minds of gym-goers. What else could explain why they played The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift last week?

How Oprah killed my joy

In case you haven't heard, Oprah is creating herself a cable network called OWN. This is tragic for one very important reason. OWN is replacing the source of my cable joy, the Discovery Health Channel.

Where am I going to go to see 400-pound tumors removed from people's legs? Where will I see people who have lost 300 pounds get a bunch of hangy skin taken off? Where will I watch ER doctors save the life of someone impaled by a metal pole in a freak interstate accident? And, where will I find Dr. G Medical Examiner?

When OWN goes on the air in 2009, it will be a dark day. A dark day indeed.

Your Mitt Romney Quote of the Day

“I’m playing to get the nomination. I’m not looking for gold stars on my forehead like I was in first grade,” said Romney. “I’m looking to rack up the delegates I need to win the nomination.”

--Mitt Romney on why he's giving up on South Carolina and moving on to Nevada, as quoted on Politico.

Here's my question? Did anyone ever put gold stars on your forehead as a child? Did you rack up a bunch? Is this some weird space alien Mormon tradition? Someone explain this to me.

Another sign of the apocalypse

Mitt Romney won the Michigan primary today, bringing us one step closer to him winning the nomination, the presidency, and causing the end of the world as we know it.

At a minimum, it hastens my move to Canada.

Apparently a bunch of people are voting for Mitt because they think he's hot and looks presidential with his perfectly coiffed head of hair. I think the CNN story on this subject made me die a little inside.

God save us from the IRS

1.13.08 UPDATE: I found my 2004 tax return! Miracle of all miracles. So, this won't be the tragedy I expected after all. Who knew I was this organized and responsible?! I feel like I should do something really irresponsible like go on a drunken shopping spree to celebrate.


Today I came home from work to find a nice thick envelope from the IRS. Never good news, right? The only way it could be is if the envelope was full of a nice think wad of cash.

Well, it turns out -- and I didn't learn this from the letter, because the letter didn't make any sense -- that the IRS has no record of my 2004 tax return. However, they do have record of me paying them $22 and it says it came with a return. But, as the woman on the phone, who was abnormally pleasant considering her job, said: "It says here we don't have it, or maybe we destroyed it. Regardless, you need to refile it."

"Pmphf!!!" said Laura.

"You do have it on file?" questioned IRS worker Krista serial #100653 (or something like that) in a very judgmental tone. I really don't think she has the authority to judge me, by the way. You have to be higher level than second shift CSR at the IRS to give me attitude.

"Um, no -- that was 4 years ago, and I'm curious why I'm just getting this request," I responded in my most diplomatic voice.

"You should really keep records of all this stuff," she responded. And, I know she's right, but I didn't get that level of organization until 2005. Some of us are late organizational bloomers.

At this point my head was steaming, but I was smiling, because I find that when I smile when talking on the phone, it makes me sound less irritated. I use this trick a lot in my job. A lot. I'm like the Jedi Master of sounding calm and collected when I'm about to cap somebody.

So, then I asked what I could do. She gave me a 30 day extension. It took them 3 years to figure out that they lost my return, and I get 30 days to refile. Luckily they can send me all the documents I need to take care of this "situation." But, if it's anything like the time the District of Columbia inverted a couple numbers on my tax return and said I owed $700 instead of paying me $200, I doubt it will be that easy. It took me about 7 months to sort out that DC tax fiasco.

And that leads me to my final point about the IRS. The IRS is jacked, and if you elect Mitt Romney as president of the United States, it will become more jacked.

Anyone wanna do my 2004 tax return for me?

Sweet Devotion

This really hot guy I know is blogging for Village Voice Media on the LA Weekly site. You should check it out here.

More on my favorite bottom feeder

Since Loree is out on a lengthy business trip in Vegas working (or that's what she says) 15 hours a day, I get to run amok on the blog and further my agenda of convincing the world that Mitt Romney is the Mormon devil.

So here's more proof that Mitt Romney is a liar and idiot. We've got the video above showing how he blatantly lied about his attack ads against my favorite crotchety old Republican, John McCain. And we've got this wonderful Annenberg Political Factcheck piece about his absurd hyperbole in a recent ad.

I really can't figure out why so many people like this guy, so I will soldier on, mocking him at every opportunity

Why Guiliani can't win and Laura makes an informational graphic

So, I was reading the Washington Post and it was showing us where the presidential candidates did their campaigning in New Hampshire. I'm not going to show you that original Washington Post graphic, because I don't want you to think any less of my beautiful interpretation.

However, here's what I can tell:

• Smart candidates went where the people are. That's the brown circle in the southern portion of the state. Even Ron Paul had the sense to hang out down there. Mitt Romney stayed down there too, mainly because he just follows what everyone else is doing. Loser.
  
• John Edwards hung out in a National Park, I think. That explains why he's pulling 17% as on 10 p.m.
• Rudy Guiliani probably took his campaigning advice from Adam Sandler and hung out on the northern edge of civilization. I put a big red block over it because there's nothing under there of note. Maybe he was protecting us from all those illegal Canadian immigrants we're so scared of. He is campaigning for "immigration reform"

So, that's my graphic. I hope it gives you more insight into the results from the New Hampshire Primary. Maybe next time I'll overlay that with celebrity appearances and we'll get all scientific like.

A cool Web site

Today, thanks to my friend Shannanb at Mommybits, I discovered a really cool Web site.

BigThink is a Web site that shares "big" ideas. The basic concept for the site is pretty cool. It's based on the premise that that media is broken -- distilling major issues into episodic stories with little context, littered with sound bites. The site asks its visitors to ask and discuss the bigger questions that we never see discussed in the media with any depth or insight. It contains a laundry list of experts giving their take through short videos on a range of issues, from Arts & Culture to Science & Technology to National & International news.

The experts are pretty impressive too. Here's a sample:

• Dan Glickman, President of the Motion Picture Association of America, talking about Film and the American Experience
• Tom Freston, Former President & CEO of Viacom, talking about The Income Gap
• Jon Meacham, Editor at Newsweek, talking about the state of the American Media Today
• Stephen Breyer, Supreme Court Justice, talking about how the Supreme Court's decisions affect us.
  

Mitt Romney is even on here talking about how Iraqis view America. I wouldn't watch that one though, if I were you. You know hearing Mitt Romney speak rots your brain over time, right? I don't know why Huckabee doesn't send Chuck Norris and Ric Flair to take care of that little problem.

Anyway, I digress. You should check this site out. It's an interesting way to join a conversation on topics you don't get to discuss in public often...because you're a big nerd, like me.

Another celebrity endorsement news break

After Huckabee and Obama's impressive showing in the Iowa caucus, I think the importance of the celebrity endorsement is clear. Whether you've got Oprah or The Holy Ranger of Kick Ass, you've gotta have somebody. So, here are some more important endorsements, or "game changers" as I like to call them:

• Let's start with my favorite, Dennis Kucinich: Larry Flynt and Willie Nelson. Let the good times roll!

• Huckabee: In addition to Chuck Norris, he's got Ric Flair (Proving that a Huckabee administration will be tough on crime)

• Hillary Clinton: Maya Angelou (love her) has been a vocal supporter. And, she's got Barbara Streisand and Tony Bennett. And, don't forget Speilberg and Rob Reiner.

• Barack Obama: Oprah -- does anyone else matter? Anyway, if you count the celebrities that showed for an Oprah fundraiser, Obama also has Will Smith, Halle Berry and Stevie Wonder in his corner. But the Obama endorsement that matters most to me: George Clooney. (Hey George, when you're in the Cincinnati area next time, look me up.)

• John Edwards: I despise Edwards, but he has the Kevin Bacon endorsement. Now if he can tap into those 6 degrees. The John Mellencamp endorsement isn't bad either.

• Bill Richardson has the man from the West Wing, one Martin Sheen.

• Rudy Guiliani: He's got the Adam Sandler vote. Yet another sign that his campaign is going to implode, as it is, shall I say, a joke. He's also got Bo Derek and Dennis Miller.

• Fred Thompson has PAT SAJAK people! PAT SAJAK!

• Nobody likes Mitt Romney that I can tell. I hope it stays that way.

• Chris Dodd and Joe Biden -- dropped out. Clearly their endorsements didn't matter.

Now, I can't ensure the accuracy of this list by any means, but this is what my super sleuthing has indicated to date. Let me know if you've got any additions. Anyone know of a Ron Paul endorsement?

(Picture taken from Radar)

New Blog Alert

Longtime WBB reader Brenner has joined the blog game! Check out his musings here.

My Non-resolution Resolution Post

WARNING: THIS IS LONG AND INCREDIBLY SELF-ABSORBED. I STARTED WITH ONE TOPIC AND JUST KIND OF WENT BONKERS WRITING. MAYBE I SHOULD PAY ROB TO EDIT MY BLOGS? END WARNING.

While I do tend to think a lot about how I'd like to change my life around the new year, for some reason I hate to make actual "resolutions." I'm not sure what that's about, other than that I actually have these kind of mini epiphanies every few weeks, year-round, about what I could and should be doing with my life (healthy doses of uncertainty and self-loathing will do that to a person occasionally), and the new year really isn't that much different to me. That being said, I really do like goals, but while I've been pondering the idea of my traditional non-resolution resolutions for a few weeks, I can't think of anything concrete I really feel like I absolutely have to achieve in 2008.

Basically, I think this year is more about just moving forward. Right now, I'm considering whether or not I should re-engage with the world a little, which I realize sounds completely and totally ridiculous. But... as I've gotten older, I've become less social and just less involved in the world around me in general. And it hasn't really been a gradual, random thing that happened; I think it's actually been a pretty calculated move on my part.

At some point several years ago, it pretty much hit me that I can only expect certain things from certain people, that I'm always going to be over-sensitive and over-emotional about some things, and I'm probably going to expect more than I'm going to get. I was also way too concerned about what others thought about me. I like to be in control (I really, really, like it), so I obviously hated all of those things that were more or less beyond my abilities to handle.

Basically, I approached it like any other problem and decided to fix it. I would only spend any real time or effort on the people in my life that would give it back and that I could depend on. Everyone else became more like acquaintances--people I'd email or see once or twice a year. New friends, aside from a few people I really clicked with, were pretty much out of the question. I just didn't want to deal with it.

Rob has joked for years that I kind of just hate people in general. But it's pretty much true.

Anyway, this all pretty much reached a head when I moved to Texas from NY. I pretty much cut myself off from everything outside of our apartment. I didn't want to be there, and I didn't want any reason not to leave there, so I set some pretty specific rules for myself that more or less involved never experiencing anything outside of our tiny, tiny place. And, while I may eat an ass-ton of junk food and be incredibly lazy, I'm nothing if not somewhat self-disciplined. So, I pretty much spent a year of my life, from August 2007-August 2008, not really living at all. Great stuff, right?

The point to all of this incredibly self-absorbed rambling is that I'm trying to decide if 2008 is the year that I lighten up a little. If I can chill out a bit and just know that no matter how much I hate the negatives, some random crap will probably piss me off in order to have some new positives.

Also, maybe I'll try to nap less. Naps are great, but they make me feel like an unproductive ass.

So....um, cheers?

Resolutions and dirty houses

Call me ridiculous, but I totally buy into the whole concept of "New Year, new start," so I make new year resolutions. I, unlike most though, tend to keep them. I kept my resolutions in both 2006 and 2007: train for an endurance athletic event and get my financial house in order. The 2007 resolution is definitely a long term thing, but I made the substantial start I needed in 2007 for longterm financial stability and happiness. (I sound like an infomercial)

Today I made a major trip to the grocery, went to the dry cleaner, put a chicken in slow cooker, made a loaf of french bread, and started a major cleaning of my house. Considering the state of my house, the cleaning is a three day process at least. Anyway, I'm already feeling like I'm off to a good start.

So, as for the 2008 resolutions, here they are:

1. Continue the good work on 2007's resolution. Make good financial decisions. Continue a credit card free lifestyle, pay off debts, and save, save, save.

2. Complete another century ride and embrace a healthy lifestyle for good! 2007 was a good financial year, but a bad health year. Unlike the 2006 resolution, this one requires me to do more than just complete an event. I need to be in overall tip-top shape and health. Not only will this help me perform well on the ride, but it will make me a happier and healthier human being.

So there they are, for all to see. I'm ready.

Nonsense In The New Year

It's the first day back from an all-too-short break, so maybe I'm just pre-disposed to being the tiniest bit slow and grumpy. That being said, I've been staring at this story for about five minutes, and I still don't get the point. The gist, for those of you too lazy to click through (and that's pretty frickin' lazy, by the way): Fast food worker finds check for $185,000, fast food worker returns check to relative of person check was written to, fast food worker gets lauded for not trying something really shady instead.

So... basically, we should all be really impressed if someone that's poor shows common sense? That seems kind of insulting. It's not like this was an envelope with a marginal amount of cash in it; it was a check written for $185,000! If he'd tried to cash it, we'd all be reading a story about the idiot that tried to cash a $185k check that was written out to someone else. So, you know, I'm just saying... I know we have some class issues in this country, but hopefully we can all agree that some--even, gasp, most--of the people flipping burgers at Mickey D's are not total degenerates out to make a buck the sketchiest way possible. If they were, they'd probably be knocking off banks instead of serving up those delicious, delicious fries, right?

Dear TNT

Dear TNT,

If you promise loyal L&O-ophiles a 32-hour marathon of Law & Order: The Mothership, the least you could do is not repeat several episodes within those 32 hours. I love seeing Briscoe and Curtis trade witty banter, but I've seen that three-parter where they go to L.A. a million times already. For the love of Waterston, it's not like you don't have enough material to work with!

Best,

Loree Stark